In Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking she wrote about three key steps in identifying work you love.
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She says one of those steps is to pay attention to what you envy.
Finally, pay attention to what you envy. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth. You mostly envy those who have what you desire.”
– Susan Cain
Is She Right?
As much as I dislike the idea of diving into such a negative space I have to admit I think she’s right. Envy is something none of us wants but, if we’re honest with ourselves, we all experience it from time to time.
Although envy is not a place we want to stay, we can use it when it thrusts itself on us.
Susan talks about her own envy when some of her former law school classmates got together and compared notes on their careers. She said most of them spoke with admiration and jealousy of a classmate who often appeared before the Supreme Court.
She realized she wasn’t envious of this person because she never wanted to argue a case before the Supreme Court or do any of the other duties of being a lawyer. So who did she envy?
Her college classmates who’d become writers and psychologists. This was her clue to discover what she wanted to pursue as a new career.
How You Can Use This
What about you? When jealousy rears it’s ugly head, what or who do you envy?
Do you feel a pang of jealousy when you get that Facebook post from your friend who is running a small non-profit in Uganda to provide clean drinking water to the people. Or is it when your sibling texts you to say she was just promoted to Vice President of regional operations?
Whatever it is for you, pay attention to it. Don’t harbor it, certainly don’t act out in a negative way, but congratulate the person and harness that emotion into something productive.
It may be the exact clue you need to discover your next career move.
Question: What else has given you clues about work you’d rather be doing?
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12 Responses to “One Thing None Of Us Wants To Admit”
When I find myself helping friends or colleagues with something – simply because I love doing that thing – it is an indicator to me of what makes me come alive. One of these things for me is helping others to understand their personalities. I could talk for hours on personality traits and strengths.
I’ve also found indicators from the opposite side of things. When someone asks me to help them with a particular project and I immediately cringe and try to think how I can get out of it. One example of this is when colleagues and friends want me to help them pick paint colors for their homes. Although my current profession involves selecting paint colors (for businesses) I still cringe and know this is not something that makes me come alive.
And I find the jealousy thing to be true for me too. 🙂 Although… I might not crave EXACTLY what they are doing, I may crave the freedom or joy they are experiencing.
Yes absolutely Alana. Just by trying different things with friends and colleagues we can better understand things we like to do or not. Also, as you mention, we can rule some things out too. We’ve all been there with seeing something someone else has and wishing that were us. Definitely not a place any of us want to stay emotionally, but I think it’s something we all experience.
My volunteer work has given me some clues along the way. Being a youth leader, it’s helped me to see that I love helping others to grow and expand their thinking. There’s something motivating when we’re able to see lives changed.
Definitely Joe. Volunteer work is a great way to try out different things to see if they are a good fit. What a wonderful thing to volunteer to help young people grow.
Love this Adam, thanks for sharing. What a creative way to use a negative emotion for good. I’m going to keep an eye out for those that I envy, I’m sure there’s a lesson in it for me.
Yes, it’s not something any of us are proud of. However, if we find ourselves jealous we can tap into the deeper meaning of why.
I really try to set envy and jealousy aside when I experience them. I have a close friend who is a doctor and can do anything he wants. I wish I could be so secure like him. But, he also gives tons of time and money to do good works. I admire and envy this too but I use it to motivate myself to be more like him in that regard.
All of us experience envy at some point. It’s what we decide to do with that way of thinking that is important. It sounds like you’re doing the best thing you can by using it for motivation to do good Tom.
What a clever take on jealousy, Adam. Right now I’m jealous of those with more time than me. I will think about that. Thanks!
Yes, Skip when I’ve experience jealousy it has been a clue to me that I need to add or remove something in my life. I wish none of us experienced envy, but if we’re conscious of what’s going on we can decide to use that negative emotion to take action toward something healthy and good.
Interesting. I have this book and I have not read it yet. Unfortunately this test doesn’t work out so well for me. The people that I “envy” actually admire, are those that have achieved Mastery in their chosen endeavor. For example:
Danny Macaskill
Bob Hoover, Patty Wagstaff
Jerry Miculek Rob Leatham
Mattie Rogers
What do they have in common? Nothing, except that they make the impossible look like it happens every day. Which it does, done by millions of people that no one has ever hear of.
rjd
Yes Rick, I think admiration of those who are true masters in something can also be a clue. You may not want to do exactly what they’re doing, but there’s a reason you admire them – so there may be a clue there.